This is it..

Dear my ex:

It's been a year and half since you decided to walk away from this relationship. I would be lying if i say i didn't blame you and i didn't hate you. When you decided to called off, it freaked me out. Everything was so sudden and unexpected. I was mad at you for starting all this up. I was mad at you for flirting my friend. I know what i did that time was uncool. Honestly, i don't know what am i doing. I've been living in a shadow of past. My past has totally took control on me and take its toll on both of us. Maybe even affect people that surrounds us. I'm sorry. I'm immature when handling breakup.

This is a pragmatic world, i shouldn't have expect you to love me forever. It's a stupid thinking. I know many people have started to accept this kind of relationship, but honestly, are we ready to accept it and go for it? Our mistake has made us face the consequence, and after all we deserve it. Our melancholy shouldn't been sympathized from anyone. What is done cannot be undone. Just accept what had been happened in the past and take it as a lesson.

I knew i never regret for being with you though we parted away eventually. Can't deny, i always telling myself "You are the best mistake i ever done", but deep inside i never meant it. It just out of the rage. I've been wondering why i was so entitled to myself for refusing to let you go. Is this because of love? I don't know..Or.. This because of pride? I guess so. Pride has holding me back from moving on.

These few days, i was out to find back our memories. I've lost it because of the grudge I'm holding. Everytime i pass through the place that we had been before, it makes me smile. I did not feel sad nor disappointed. I've accepted all with an open heart. From now onward, i will smile when look back our past. I'm happy that we used to be together and we used to love each other so much.

You do not have to apologize to me. Both of us didn't do anything wrong. Love is freedom and there is no string attached between us. You are free to do what you want. Its already your privacy, I couldn't care less and should have leave you alone. I shouldn't interfere your life so much. So, from now on, i will give back your freedom.

Never doubt my feeling to you, it wont change anyway. I love you as always. Even after a decade or century, there will always be a place in my heart that you will be fondly,fondly remembered. God has surprised me by hand you over to me, though that time you were injured. I know He want me to cure you, He want me to show you there is still a person who love you,as long as you live, you will never walk alone. I'm thankful He let you appeared in my life. I don't know how much i changed your life but i know how much you have changed my life. But,still I'm saddened that my love wasn't able to do more to heal your wounded heart. To make it up, I'm leaving you a Smile. I'm leaving you my smile. Keep that smile, take it out when you are sad.

Never afraid to admit, I always hope destiny would bring us back together.That hope was a comfort and gave me the patience to wait for the future. As time has passed, it is pretty clear that you have drifted further and further away from me. So, i guess its time for me to acknowledge, to you and myself, that our future will take different path. It appears our relationship has dwindled to a one way conversation via mail. Although you may read them, but i don't think they really reach you

I don't know whether now you are seeing someone else. But don't worry, i won't be third party anymore. You have my blessing. I wish you can find someone that love you, someone that can handle your sassy attitude and wacky thinking. When you are sick, pls, pls, pls consult a doctor. e. As much as that saddens me, i think its really time for me to say goodbye. Its really nice to meet you and in love with you, bye.


Please give me a call when life allows you to enjoy a warm hug, a good meal and a heart to heart talk.I will look forward that day..if it ever comes

Heartbroken?

Few minutes ago, i was sitting somewhere else and have a look at my friend's blog. At first, i thought he would write about his daily routine or something excitement. Out of my expectation, he wrote something which bring me to surprise.

Even he is my classmate, but i never thought he would face something like that. I never thought he was suffering right now. Well, u might say sure, this is not your problem what. But, the point is not there. The point is he is facing what i'm facing now. We encountered the same problem but the solution to it is totally different. He get the chance but i don't.

I'm not sorrowing, not grieving, not even regretting. I'm just lost. I lost when u left without taking a glance at me. I'm happy but am i? I wouldn't say how much you mean to me, because even if i do, nothing can do to make it right. I wouldn't say how much i love you, all i can say, since i went to kl, i never stop missing you.

No matter how hard i tried to convince them that you're just my friend, i would never be able to convince myself to the fact. i tried hard to get rid of you, i tried hard to get you out of my mind, but nothing seems right. I starting to hate when the darkness come, that's when i started to miss you, curl up in the blanket, tears started to flow slowly,memories started to taking it's role by playing all the scene in my mind and the sounds of breaking is echoing in my ears. By that time, i know i'm in pieces again.

This is when the Lady Gaga song playing in my mind " Can't read my, can't read my No, he can't read my poker face......Po..Po..Po..Poker face..Po..Po..Poker face" Followed by Avril lavigne's When you're gone " I never felt this way before.Everything that I do reminds me of you" Then it comes to Secondhand serenade's Fall for you "This is not what I intended.I always swore to you i'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger.I may have failed but I have loved you from the start." Suddenly "Somebody call 911 Shawty fire burning on the dance floor.Whoa..I gotta cool her down" Oh crap! That's when my brother playing that song outside of my room. Totally drag me out of hell. Dang!

Literally..

At first, everything was just so fine,
Life goes on, past remain as history,
Nothing worries me that much,
Nothing seems to bother me.

But,
now it changed,
It's because of one damn video,
Life turn out to be what it used to be.

I'm suck,
I'm in horror,
I'm worried,
I'm confused!

It shouldn't go this way when there is another way round,
It shouldn't be like this when i still in control of it,
It shouldn't happen when i never fall in.

No!
it's not coincidence,
not fate,
Not even karma!

It's just deja vu!
I'm delusional!

What i saw was never happened,
What i felt was never right,
What i touch was never there.

If my five senses have since become numb,
why do i still feel it?

Is it because i still live in the past?
Or i find something familiar in that video?

Screw that video!
But i still wish both of you live happiness ever after..

If life was a game,
I'm sorry for not playing the rules,
I'm sorry for breaching it,
If there is any sentence,
I would plead you to game over me.

Irene hwa, stop grieving!
It's just a video, you doofer!

Idols of my life (part two)

Here is my another idols, Melodii Cheang!! Recently, she been honours to accept Best journalism and Best student in Mass comm. No doubt, for somebody like her is fully deserve for this awards. Melodii cheang, 20 years old (or maybe more than that), Malaysian. She obtained 10 As in her spm, correct me if i'm wrong. Instead of choosing medical field, she decided to choose Mass comm which she claimed that is her interest. She is a good person, has a good attitude and never fail by your side when you need her but must make sure your timing is in the right time because she is busying all the time. You don't really know what is she doing. She can open her msn and put available but in fact she is BUSY! She has been dubbed as the most "SUI' person in the world. Because she will never call or text you unless you make the first move. Still, don't expect her to reply you even after you make the first move, because, again, she is BUSY! But the most enjoyable part is talking to her. You will never feel bored talking to her. She will say out many thing that you might not be expected. Try not to argue with her. Inevitable, you will lose out easily. Because like i say you will never expect what she is going to say next. I wonder if she serious before, because everytime i saw her, she is laughing all the time like there is no one else. In a word, she is worth to be friend with. I will cherish this friendship until the end of my life. You will be my friend, my idol forever. Wish you the best in your life. You got my support all the time. The GREATEST person in the PLANET- Melodii Cheang Chien Sing

Idols of my life..(part 1)(

You might ask who is this pretty girl? I will answer, she is the smartest girl i've ever met in my life. You might ask why? I will say listen to me. Yvonne Tew, 24 years old, Malaysian. Currently doing PHD of Law in Cambridge. Ya, she is just 24 years old and now doing PHD, some how still in CAMBRIDGE! She obtained straight As in her A levels and managed to get top student in the world for Economic. Then, she got the scholar from um.. Can't remember it. Anyway she was sponsored to do her degree in Cambridge. After finished her degree, she decided to do her Master in Harvard, US which was also under scholarship. After a long end, she decided to take a gap year and came back to Malaysia. Her prior experiences are summer internships at the London offices of Linklaters, Slaughter and May, and Shearman & Sterling; mini-pupilages at Fountain Court Chambers, Brick Court Chambers, and Queen Elizabeth Building (all in London); summer intern at the Attorney-General's Chambers of Malaysia (Putrajaya, Malaysia). Sounds amazing right? Squeeze your brain and try to think. She done all those internship at the age of 20-23. Who else can be like her? Last few weeks, she came to our college and gave us a talk. We were so anticipated to meet her in person, yup, i mean face to face. The moment she appeared in the front door, everybody was gasping for air, hardly to breath and the heart is racing like hell. She smiled upon seeing us. Then, the talk get started in any moments. She talked about her life all the ways from A levels to Harvard. She talked about how difference life in Cambridge and Harvard. Here is the few conversation between us.


A: Why did you choose Cambridge instead of Oxford.

Yvonne: Hmm.. Why? Because I like the building of Cambridge(followed by laughter)! Actually it is because Cambridge is ranked higher than Oxford. So it's pretty obvious that will be my choice.

B: How much you have spent in Cambridge and Harvard? (Huh..what a question?)

Yvonne: Um.. Because all is under scholarship, so i can't tell you the exact amount. ( Actually Yvonne Tew is pretty rich, she drove Vios back in 2004.)

C: How many hours do you spent on studies?

Yvonne: 2 hours most probably.

D: Do you ever think of becoming a lawyer since you are young?

Yvonne: No, actually i'm thinking of becoming a bikini girl that showing off their body at the beach. When i told my youngest sis about it, she was like"Yvonne, are you sure? They are pretty" So.. You know..

E: Are you in a relationship now?

Yvonne: Ms Ong ( She pointed at our class teacher") i thought you are the one who asked me before.

Ms Ong: Ya, i asked you before and you say it is complicated.

Yvonne: Yes, it is complicated.

Ok photo and autograph session..

Yvonne: So do you guys want to find somewhere else for us to talk? I mean like cafeteria or asia cafe?

Us: We have already taken our lunch. Can we see your photo when you were in London and US?

Yvonne: Sure..( then she explained all the photo to us)