Undiscover the truth..

Sitting in front of the lappie, trying to figure out what should i do today.. Browsing around as usual.. Reading the news of an affair between football player.. Hmm, interesting.. Suddenly, a vibrate from my phone (For those who didn't know, my hp cacat ady..which is boo hoo TT) Well, never mind.. So it was a message.. Opened and read it.. Well it's nothing.. It's just a merely good morning and "kisses".. Arh.. Boring.. Will be another dull conversation.. Hmm.. Let's start something interesting, some thing that curious me for a long time..

" I have stg to ask u" " What is it?" "The time we be together, do you with some1 else" "No." "R u sure?" "Yes." "You will never know.." "what happened?" "Nothing happened except a liar try to lie" "Are you saying about me? I dont" "Who cares.. Don't ever get me started wit the msn" "What msn? What are you talking about?" "I love you x" "don't misunderstood, shes just my ex.. i don't love her.." "Arh..whatever.. All i want to know is yes or no" "Im sorry" "Alrite thats all"

Throwing the phone to the bed, damnation, why the feeling is so sulky.. Thought that everything going to be ok, thought that im not going to care.. But my goddamn tears are streaming down my cheek.. Lying on the bed, with the phone non-stop vibrating beside, i feel like want to throw it to the wall.. Thanks god, i still rational enough.. Ignore all the messages, the call and the face that i come to miss.. Cover myself with the blanket, screaming in the pillow.. Its the scream of anguish, its the scream of devastating.. Surprisingly enough, i still able to hear the sound of the broken heart.. Unfaithful.. Unfaithful.. Unfaithful.. And i dozed off minutes later..

Woke up, with 40 calls 16 messages.. 37 is from him and 3 is from my friend.. Feel so not in mood to talk.. Feel like a creepy zombie with a shallow eyes.. Call back my friend and ask her reason of calling me.. She said to me ur ex look like someone.. Goddamn it! Why cant i just get rid of him.. "LOok like who?" "XXX from XXX" Well, that time i was not interested he looks like who, i just want to off the phone and caged myself.. Luckily enough, my friend say she is busy now.. Sigh of relief..

7stg still browsing around in the internet.. want to talk with someone but couldn't find anymore.. I'm not boring.. it's just that my empty heart make the life become dull.. The impregnable will try to withstand my vulnerable heart.. Finally i come to a place where i'm defeated..

James..

9am, hawker centre:

I: (touching his face) Dear, you look not so good.. you look tired..
J: Im just sleepy..
I: Hmm.. Im sorry for asking you to fetch me early in the morning..
J: No.. it's ok..
I: So what can i do to keep you up?
J: Morning kiss will do (grinning..)
I: (Kiss his lips) love you and good morning!
J: Hey, you never did that before.. (touching her forehead) something wrong with you? Say! What had you done last night?
I: Nothing.. Isn't that good i kiss you?
J: Its always feel good..(muackz) love you too!

12pm,his house

J: Do you want to eat anything?
I: You cook?
J: Ya..
I: But your food suck!
J: (knock her head) respect me please..
I: Anything will do..
J: Ok, love.. Muacks
I: So am i just watching you to cook?
J: Ya uh.. You are not allow to cook as long as im here..
I: Oh bunny you are so good (hug him)
J: Too late to realize that..

130pm, his bedroom

I: (lying on his bed) Bunny, have you ever think what your life will be without me?
J: ( Stretch his arm) come here..
I: (slowly turn to him)
J: I don't know..
I: I know.. I will be devastated..
J: Me too..
I: Hey, you are sleeping?!
J: No.. it's just when you are here, i can sleep well.. sweet dream
I: Don't make excuse! Wake up!!
J: Baby, let sleep together..
I: I'm not sleepy.. but ok since nothing to do..
J: Nothing to do? Well.. we could do something passionate(evil grin)..
I: (Yawning) im sleepy.. muacks.. good nite honey! love you..
J: Hahaha.. Love you too..


830pm, garden
I: (lying on his shoulder) Dear..
J: Ya?
I: Nothing.. I wish we could stay longer..
J: Can.. if you don't go back today..
I: (hold his hand tighter) huh...
J: Your hand is so cold.. Let me warm you up..
I: Dear hug me..
J: (hugging) why are you so sweet today? no.. it should be.. why are you so sweet recently? are you in love with me
I: Yes.. Im in love with you..
J: Hahaha.. i knew one day you will in love with me..
I: (Kiss him) i love you..
I: (long sighed) i guess thats it..
J: what?
I: We need to breakup.. I want to breakup..
J: ...
I: I'm sorry dear..
J: ...
I: Don't call me or text me.. live your own life.. take care yourself
J: Baby..(hug her)
I: (hug him back) I don't want to end this way.. I'm sorry.. i have to..
J: Now you can go.. Go before i ask you back.. You wouldn't want that happen..
I: sorry..

I lost a guy, who really love me..
I lost a guy, who appreciate me..
I lost a guy, who cherish me..

I sacrifice a guy that i start to love..
I sacrifice a guy that i start to appreciate..
And I never learn how to cherish him..

He is too good to be own,
I don't deserve the best..
I love you, james

Inchoate love 2

In the cinema:

I: ....(Sob sob)
W: Hey, are you crying?
I: No.. I'm ok..
W: What happened?
I: Theodore is so pity..
W: Hahahahah.. Com'on, it's just a movie.. nothing for you to cry..
I: Yeah, you cold blooded animal!
W: I'm not cold blooded.. ok, fine.. come here..

At the mall:

I: What are we going to do next?
W: Are you hungry?
I: Nawww.. still full.. You? I can accompany you if you want..
W: I have no idea what to eat.. Why don't we just shopping first, will decide later..
I: Shopping? You pay?
W: Hahahahahhaha
I: What? What's with hahahahahah?
W: Who say im going to pay?
I: Alright then, where is my allowance for this month?
W: You didn't agree, so no allowance..
I: ...(speechless)

(Pointing at a boutique shop)
W: Go and see if there are any clothes that you like..
I: Hahahaha, i got no money..
W: Go.. i pay for it
I: i thought someone say hes not going to pay?
W: If that someone is not going to pay, then someone will not talk to someone tonight.. and that someone will be very sad u know..(acting a sad face)
I: Glad that someone know.. but now i'm not in the mood of buying clothes
W: Hey, what's wrong? angry? Don't angry please.. pleeeeeaaassseee
I: Hey, what's wrong with you, i help you to save money..
W: No, don't.. Here take this money and go and buy..
I: I already say i'm not in the mood..
W: (examine her expression)
I: Huh? Can we just go?
W: Baby..
I: I'm not angry..
W: (stand still) Baby..
I: What?
W: (Pointing his lips) here..
I: (closer to him) you wish..
W: Hey!
I( Pulling him away) anyway i love you..
W: Me too..


W:

Inchoate love..

Lying in the bed,
with you by myside.
Playing with your fingers,
looking at your face.

Not knowing what you said,
it merely because im not concentrating.
Im not concentrating,
its because you are distracting me.

I wish we could just stop right there,
with you and me.
You are holding me tight,
and i'm scare that i will loosen the grip

The thought of losing you,
the gyrate of fear,
the asinine of love,
give me palpitation.

You said " i hope.."
I put my fingers on your mouth,
trying to prevent you from saying those word.
I knew it would hurt both of us so much.

You hug me even tighter,
i felt secure,
but i know i will lose u soon.
That's when,
The tears drop on your shoulders.

B.O.R.I.N.G

Due to Deepavali, college grant us an extra holiday. Thought that it would be fun because i don't have to wake so early, but it turn out to be so boring! dead boring! Wake up at 9.30 this morning, trying to figure it out what to do today. Decided to do notes on Criminal court. Not now, but later. Opened the laptop, as usual, browsing around. My room was too quiet, need some music to wake me up from my drowsiness, blast the music. Dance with the music, crap, my dancing was so ugly, need to sign up for lesson soon. Forget it. Looking at the phone, wonder if there got any MC or message, no, no message n mc. Never mind.
11 something went to Market to buy food. It's a long distance from my house, have to walk, so i put on my ipod, blast the music again. Cloud is getting darker, hope that the rain won't fall, if not i would be so dead meat!
Start my revision at 2 something, wonder what took me so long? Ask facebook then! Done my note at 3 something, yawning, oh shit, i was sleepy. Never mind, sleep for a while, still got time. Wake at 6.15pm, my god, i sleep for 3 hours.
Feel like want to call somebody, searching the contact list, Alice hwa(my sis)- aih, nothing to chat. Melodii cheang- She is busy at this time, urm, no, is all the time. J.xiang- Aih, not fun gossip on the phone, go back juz find him. Phyllis- Maybe she is also busy now, don't want to disturb her. Kath- Aih, she got way too many thing to tell me, no, not a good choice. 012579xxxx- Should i? No, i shouldn't. "Be rational" Quote by Melodii. Mummy- I guess she is busy with her paperwork, will call her later. Steven Hwa( my bro)- Last night we just talked on the phone.
In the end, no one, put aside my phone, tap..tap..tap(finger tapping the table), what to do? Staring at the Law textbook, blank, open the textbook, still blank. I was in reverie mood, envisage all the possible and impossible thing, i smile, cool. Shaking my head, trying to get rid of the asinine thought, get back to reality, and i sighed.

This is me..

I wouldn't say i have a bunch of friends in the college,
I wouldn't say i'm close to everyone in my class,
I wouldn't say the problem is lie on them.


Since coming to kl,
i try to withdraw myself from society,
I hate socialization,
as much as i hate boot licking so that i can gain more friends.

Hypocrite,
Pseudo,
Masquerade,
simply ain't my thing!

I wouldn't say i don't care when i realize i don't have much friends,
I care,
but on the other hand,
I'm not really care.

I say "NO" to all the activity,
I reject them everytime i can,
It's not because i hate to be with them,
It's just because i need some time to be alone.

I will talk to you if u want,
But,
If you don't give a damn about me,
then i won't care.

F**k Off!!

Don't look at me like that,
I've done nothing wrong.
I'm not as shit as u guys,
so fuck off please!

You're not who you are,
You're not what people see of you,
You're just a pile of shit.

Yeah , i mean it.
Your look is not that attractive,
F***y!

I have nothing against you,
but what you did really pissed me off!

Don't look at me like that,
because you couldn't find anything from me.
And you wouldn't!

Don't tell me you are good,
don't show me you are good.
Because i couldn't see anything good from you.
except being mean to others.

Recycle?
Please recycle yourself,
or get lost from this world!!
SUCKER!!!!!!!