Doubt between us

Unheralded stories..

2010-04-12T01:35:00.002+08:00

Jamesnasian: u busy now?
Irene: no wor
Irene: y?
Jamesnasian: im going to tell u a story bout me
Irene: rite here listen
Jamesnasian: maybe it'll explain more about how i behave
Irene: ok..
Jamesnasian: this story starts when i was in form 2
Irene: alrite
Jamesnasian: so after form 1
Jamesnasian: after a year in england where my dad further his studies there
Jamesnasian: i came back
Jamesnasian: so, i did a blood test
Jamesnasian: found out that a few of my enzymes in my blood are abnormally high
Jamesnasian: i was put on some pills
Jamesnasian: to reduce them
Irene: ok..
Irene: then
Jamesnasian: found out that i was having this heredity disease
Jamesnasian: darl, u there?
Jamesnasian: anyway, so i was diagnosed with this disease called
Jamesnasian: Wilson's Disease
Irene: whats dat?
Jamesnasian: it's a condition where your liver cannot excrete copper from food
Jamesnasian: so my liver isn't healthy
Jamesnasian: and the result of the excess copper
Jamesnasian: is like, staining my teeth
Jamesnasian: and worse to come
Jamesnasian: so, i went to UMSC
Jamesnasian: some hospital to get treated
Jamesnasian: i was put on this new drug
Irene: TT
Jamesnasian: that most of the people in the country diagnosed with this disease were on
Irene: den
Jamesnasian: so
Jamesnasian: ok, i took it
Jamesnasian: but i was having immediate reactions
Jamesnasian: allergic reactions
Jamesnasian: high fever
Jamesnasian: that's when my body started to turn yellow
Jamesnasian: i was having jaundice
Jamesnasian: a condition where your liver gets inflammed
Jamesnasian: and my liver was inflammed
Irene: omg!!
Jamesnasian: it grew and expanded to twice the normal size
Jamesnasian: so i was sent to the UMSC immediately
Jamesnasian: and by that time
Jamesnasian: my whole body was yellow
Jamesnasian: i was yellow for 2 weeks
Jamesnasian: apparently
Jamesnasian: i was on too much drugs
Jamesnasian: my liver can't take it
Jamesnasian: and i got 'drug abuse'
Jamesnasian: and that point
Jamesnasian: thru mri scanning
Jamesnasian: that my liver was having cirorhsis
Jamesnasian: liver hardening
Jamesnasian: a condition that
Jamesnasian: equivalent
Jamesnasian: to an acholic for 20 years
Jamesnasian: my liver was almost to the point of failing
Jamesnasian: i was nearly going to die
Irene: TT
Jamesnasian: so we travelled on train to singapore
Jamesnasian: to find a drug
Jamesnasian: But
Jamesnasian: they said that this drug
Jamesnasian: only available if u booked it from america
Jamesnasian: so, we went back to malaysia
Jamesnasian: and found out the selayang hospital provides it for free
Jamesnasian: i have to avoid high copper content food
Jamesnasian: such as
Jamesnasian: chocolate, mushroom, nuts, shellfish
Jamesnasian: like oysters and such
Jamesnasian: it has been so long since i had them in my mouth
Jamesnasian: this story
Jamesnasian: i only tell those who i really care
Jamesnasian: like you
Jamesnasian: this disease is 10 in 3million people
Jamesnasian: malaysia itself only has a handful
Jamesnasian: and i am one of them
Jamesnasian: so u said, i am optimistic/\
Jamesnasian: right, because i, gone thru life-death experience once
Jamesnasian: and i was recently that, my liver could fail any moment
Jamesnasian: something like, i can't see the next day when i wake up the next morning
Jamesnasian: so, how couldn't i not be optimistic
Jamesnasian: im hoping for the best in life
Irene: TT
Irene: this disease can cure or not?
Jamesnasian: it's a life long disease
Jamesnasian: so why u say i like pastel
Jamesnasian: because it seems so perfect
Jamesnasian: and i wanna have something like this
Jamesnasian: a typical boy-girl relationship
Jamesnasian: so darl, if u do find a better guy
Jamesnasian: get him =D
Jamesnasian: i might not last long enough to do so anyway
Irene: dear..
Irene: i love u..
Irene: i reli do..
Irene: but im not the girl that u want..
Irene: dear.. i dun wana b selfish anymore..
Irene: u can go
Irene: i let u go
Irene: find a girl that is better..
Jamesnasian: have u found a better one?
Irene: no..
Irene: u r the best
Jamesnasian: then, don't let go just yet
Irene: dear..
Irene: we will not last long..
Irene: one of us will leave 1 day
Irene: i have my own problem in relationship
Irene: im not hurting u..
Irene: like i say i prioritize studies better than relationship
Irene: if at 1 point, i was in a great pressure..
Irene: i will breakup with u
Jamesnasian: understood
Jamesnasian: silly darl
Jamesnasian: mwarxh~
Irene: i love u dear~~~~
Irene: thanks for telling me..
Irene: u r right to be optimistic..
Jamesnasian: feels so much better after telling u that
Irene: thats y that day u say u dun eat chocolate..
Jamesnasian: en~!
Jamesnasian: didnt lie to u right
Irene: dear dear
Irene: please take care urself..
Irene: i dun wana lost u just like that
Jamesnasian: mwarhx~
Irene: are u going to be alright?
Irene: *worry*
Jamesnasian: your dear is a good boy
Jamesnasian: everyday eat medicine
Irene: dear~
Irene: its worse than breakup
Jamesnasian: what's worse than breakup
Irene: knwing that ur life is hanging on the sky
Jamesnasian: im alright with it
Jamesnasian: so u should also do so =D
Jamesnasian: <3
Jamesnasian: darl
Jamesnasian: must hold me tight k
Irene: i dun wana let u go..
Jamesnasian: darl
Jamesnasian: im not dying lar
Jamesnasian: >.<
Jamesnasian: darl really dai sek lar

My beau

2010-04-03T23:47:00.004+08:00

Jamesnasian: why darl don't reply jek
Jamesnasian: hmph~
Irene: let u missssssssssss me ma
Jamesnasian: really missing lor
Jamesnasian: i thought something happened to u tim
Jamesnasian: wanna report police jor
Irene: i saw dear's message, after read, i throw the phone into the drawer
Irene: i knw i will reply u
Irene: so i try hard to control myself
Jamesnasian: i thought my phone ada prob too
Jamesnasian: uuu~
Irene: dear dear guai guai
Irene: darl give u kisses.. muacccccccccccckkkkkkzzzzzz
Jamesnasian: to know darl's safe
Jamesnasian: everything also ok lar
Jamesnasian: quite worrying lor
Irene: worry me is a good thing to me
Jamesnasian: not good for me mar. make me sam lor lor
Jamesnasian: white hair also a few extra jor
Irene: i help u to pluck..
Jamesnasian: darl har..
Jamesnasian: yai yai
Jamesnasian: darl~
Jamesnasian: still very upset mar
Jamesnasian: >.<
Irene: mmmm..
Irene: very sad
Irene: disappointed
Jamesnasian: hmm~
Jamesnasian: u know your dear gan chiong his darl so much, feeling any better mar?
Irene: going to b ok soon
Irene: dear dun worry
Jamesnasian: *kisses on your forehead*
Jamesnasian: everything it's going to be alright
Jamesnasian: *bao bao*
Irene: *bao bao*
Irene: im proud to have u
Jamesnasian: hee
Jamesnasian: i love to have u,
Jamesnasian: loving every second of it
Irene: hehhehhe..
Irene: u r my...
Irene: my...
Irene: my...
Irene: my...
Irene: my...
Irene: pet!
Jamesnasian: warf~
Irene: good dog..
Jamesnasian: =(
Irene: kidding la dear
Irene: dun sad dun sad
Jamesnasian: not sad lar
Jamesnasian: leo ku has a song also ma
Jamesnasian: being a pet is better than being a lover
Jamesnasian: but i dont want lar
Jamesnasian: lover of course better
Jamesnasian: especially if the other half is
Jamesnasian: you =D
Irene: sweeeeetttt ..
Irene: dear y u oway poke me in fb
Jamesnasian: miss u lar
Jamesnasian: poke u lor
Irene: sure stalk me again
Jamesnasian: i wanna find a button that says, kisses arr
Jamesnasian: or hugs aa
Jamesnasian: but don't have ma
Irene: my dear cute cute..
Irene: dear i knw what is ur weakness le
Jamesnasian: what
Irene: ur weakness is ME
Jamesnasian: yer
Jamesnasian: so true
Jamesnasian: don't abuse my weakness
Jamesnasian: it drives me crazy
Irene: hehehe..
Irene: can torture u le
Irene: dear + darl = happiness
Jamesnasian: <3 that statement
Jamesnasian: *hug hug hug*
Irene: dun wan..
Irene: torture dear..
Jamesnasian: T.T
Jamesnasian: then i'll hug myself for now
Irene: ok!
Jamesnasian: waa
Jamesnasian: this "!" somemore
Irene: har
Irene: dear i saw ur neck gt *ka li gai*
Irene: hmm..
Irene: u go n yyyy with which girl ar?
Jamesnasian: waa
Jamesnasian: just now eating curry
Jamesnasian: was a bit careless ma
Irene: u tot im stupid ar
Irene: what kinda excuse is that?
Jamesnasian: but darl, i see your lips now got curry stain neh
Jamesnasian: horr
Irene: opps.. forget to wipe it
Jamesnasian: horr
Irene: tot that can rape u secretly
Irene: n find reason to angry u
Jamesnasian: yai yai
Jamesnasian: told u no need rape lor
Jamesnasian: im yours de ma
Jamesnasian: when you're ignoring me
Jamesnasian: drives me crazy
Jamesnasian: thinking whether u're well or not
Jamesnasian: drinking ur fav orange juice or not
Jamesnasian: or wearing black because u're moody
Irene: I am sorry..
Irene: no more ignoring you..
Irene: i love u..
Jamesnasian: im sure u do
Jamesnasian: that's why im loving u too
Irene: There are 4 steps to happy happiness, 1 you, 2 me, 3 our hearts 4 eternity!
Irene: want to study le
Jamesnasian: Okie
Jamesnasian: wait wait
Jamesnasian: darl
Jamesnasian: before that
Irene: ya
Jamesnasian: how are u feeling now
Jamesnasian: still upset ma?
Irene: im feeling better!
Jamesnasian: don't tire yourself
Jamesnasian: or starve yourself k
Jamesnasian: drink lots of fluids
Irene: Ok dear!
Jamesnasian: get lots of rest
Jamesnasian: love you darl
Jamesnasian: mwarhx
Irene: message me b4 u slp..
Jamesnasian: okie dokie

*When something makes me unhappy, you are there to make me happy.. Love it!!
p/s : start to study now..

Blossom Love..2

2010-03-31T16:25:00.007+08:00

31/3/2010 (14.45) YM

Jamesnasian: darl darl~
Irene: dear dear~
Jamesnasian: hee,
Jamesnasian: dai sek geh darl~
Irene: miss me?
Jamesnasian: lots and lots
Irene: i dont miss u..
Irene: because i was sleeping
Irene: but once i wake up i c gt msg or not
Jamesnasian: got or not? =D
Jamesnasian: hehe
Irene: got..
Irene: because when u sms me, i ady fall aslp
Jamesnasian: hehe
Jamesnasian: it's okay geh
Jamesnasian: rested well?
Irene: ya..
Jamesnasian: wee
Jamesnasian: =)
Irene: now i very miss me dear dear
Irene: today got ppl kap dear dear or not
Jamesnasian: hehe, didnt notice
Jamesnasian: yer darl~
Jamesnasian: xin tong neh
Irene: y?
Jamesnasian: >.<
Jamesnasian: when i found out u didnt sleep well last night
Jamesnasian: almost half alive in the morning
Jamesnasian: while having breakfast
Jamesnasian: at Mc.D
Irene: sorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy dear.. I go n face the wall now ok?
Jamesnasian: waaaa
Jamesnasian: don't~
Jamesnasian: face comp better
Jamesnasian: let dear kieng gai with u
Jamesnasian: as punishment
Jamesnasian: <3
Irene: eeeeeeeeee.. i like this punishment
Jamesnasian: already missing u jor, still face the wall, don't face dear meh..
Jamesnasian: hee
Irene: den darl make dear worry ma..
Jamesnasian: >.<
Jamesnasian: heartbeat also became faster
Irene: sorrrrrrrrrryyyy dear..
Jamesnasian: didn't blame u also
Jamesnasian: how could i
Jamesnasian: before sleep jor
Jamesnasian: drink something warm
Jamesnasian: makes u feel easier to sleep geh
Irene: i wana call dear.. but dear ady slp..
Jamesnasian: >.<
Jamesnasian: mwarhx
Irene: muacks.. *kiss ur lips*
Jamesnasian: *kiss yours back*
Jamesnasian: aiyerrr
Jamesnasian: so dai sek
Jamesnasian: mwarhx~!!
Jamesnasian: hehe
Jamesnasian: darl
Jamesnasian: yesterday hor
Irene: yes..
Jamesnasian: when i talked about u to my friends that time
Jamesnasian: my friends saw my eyes glowed wor
Jamesnasian: then they say
Jamesnasian: waa, cham lar, you really really liked her, don't you? =D
Irene: waa.. cham lar.. u really really like me, dont u?
Irene: its ok
Irene: because i really really like you too
Jamesnasian: hehe
Jamesnasian: *hugs*
Irene: dear sorry today din wish u gud luck in ur exam.. when receive ur msg, im very happy..
Irene: but too tired to give u kisses ady
Jamesnasian: dear understand lar
Jamesnasian: sek sai lei~
Jamesnasian: mwarhx~!
Irene: y suddenly dear tok bout me de?
Jamesnasian: darl,
Jamesnasian: your dear neh, likes to share happy stuffs
Jamesnasian: so darl is one of the things that make your dear
Jamesnasian: must tell others too mar
Irene: dear cute cute..
Jamesnasian: shh~ to darl only
Irene: hehee.. sure..
Irene: keep that to myself..
Jamesnasian: mwarhx~
Irene: can i keep dear in my pocket..
Irene: dear too cute ady
Irene: dun wana let other c
Jamesnasian: dear is not the only one that's cute hor
Jamesnasian: darl is cuter
Jamesnasian: =3
Irene: dear want to sleep ady rite?
Jamesnasian: not anymore, got a sudden burst of charisma
Jamesnasian: after chatting with darl
Jamesnasian: wee, thanks sweetheart =D
Jamesnasian: hmph~
Jamesnasian: Want to lock u up in my heart
Jamesnasian: see where can u run
Irene: if u lock me in ur heart, den i cant kap zai ady lo?
Jamesnasian: my heart quite transparent geh
Irene: ok..den i stay in ur heart
Jamesnasian: so don't try to break it
Irene: quite secure n still can kap zai
Irene: will take care it carefully..
Irene: thats a place i called my home..
Jamesnasian: eyes are yours de, don't look, then how can, later langgar tiang neh
Irene: hehe when dear kap lui, i will punch u tru inside..
Irene: how fun
Jamesnasian: darl sweet <3
Jamesnasian: cute hor
Jamesnasian: why darl so creative
Jamesnasian: mwarhx~
Irene: in control of dear..
Jamesnasian: let you control ba
Jamesnasian: got darl then can le
Irene: darl got dear can le..
Jamesnasian: wanna sleep ma?
Irene: slp again a.. u tot im pig izit
Jamesnasian: i thought u gone thru 26 hours neh
Jamesnasian: think of it, the heart also will ache
Irene: so i gt like 26 hours miss u
Irene: which u cant do it
Jamesnasian: why darl so hero
Jamesnasian: i can de
Irene: cannot..
Jamesnasian: next time i'll do it beside u
Irene: because if u din sleep, i will definitely scold u like hell..
Irene: give u an order to sleep
Jamesnasian: waa
Jamesnasian: then, really lor, i cant
Jamesnasian: darl the cutest lar
Jamesnasian: dai sek dao~
Jamesnasian: *kisses gently*
Irene: sweet~
Irene: melt ady melt ady..
Jamesnasian: melted jor
Jamesnasian: dai sek lar
Jamesnasian: muahx
Irene: dear..i love u..
Jamesnasian: darl.love u too~
Jamesnasian: if im addicted to loving you~
Jamesnasian: and you're addicted to my love too~
Jamesnasian: so cute~
Jamesnasian:darl.i wanna study kao kao for the next hour plus
Jamesnasian: then later can yee yee yap yap with darl
Irene: sure..
Jamesnasian: shuang dao~
Irene: what time dear want to study
Irene: when dear study, i oso study la
Jamesnasian: hee, study now till dinner
Irene: dear going to study now rite?
Jamesnasian: yeah
Jamesnasian: okie?
Irene: okie!
Irene: dear message me when u r done
Jamesnasian: missing u already >.<
Jamesnasian: kk =D
Jamesnasian: sayang sayang
Irene: dun wana miss u Jamesnasian: =D
Irene: sayang u too..
Jamesnasian: mwarhx
Irene: i offline lo..
Jamesnasian: bye bye darl
Irene: love u dear..
Irene: bye..
Jamesnasian: sek sai darl, love u lots

*We are like a child.. We laughed,we joke and we love each other.. It doesn't matter what may come tomorrow.. We held each other tight and happily go through each day*
p/s: i screw my law paper today.. But luckily dear cheer me up.. still its sad! Have to work reli reli hard next time..

Blossom Love..

2010-03-29T18:18:00.005+08:00

29/3 2010(1700) -Yahoo messenger

Jamesnasian: aiyak, forgot to ask u, did i accidentally wake darl up aa?
Irene: actuali yes..
Jamesnasian: aiyer, paiseh
Irene: because my lappie just beside me
Jamesnasian: so sorry har.
Irene: n u ym me..
Irene: so got sound..
Irene: never mind..
Irene: actuali quite sweet..
Jamesnasian: hee, missing u mar
Jamesnasian: mwarhx~! =D
Jamesnasian: one of the top reasons why i should date lawyers
Jamesnasian: you're such a sweetheart to be with
Jamesnasian: mwarthx
Irene: hahahah..
Irene: sweet♥♥♥
Jamesnasian: hee
Jamesnasian: sayang darl
Irene: i so misssssssssss u.....
Jamesnasian: bogoshipda =D
Jamesnasian: mwarhx~!
Jamesnasian: darl, dear study hard hard 1st,
Irene: okok..
Jamesnasian: study jor then focus all his energy thinking about u har
Jamesnasian: blek~
Irene: dear gambateh..
Jamesnasian: will be missing u lots~ =D
Irene: me too..
Irene: den darl now will miss u
Jamesnasian: darl too~! jia you for tmr k
Irene: den later is ur time..
Jamesnasian: heeee
Irene: i oso go n study with dear..
Jamesnasian: aiyerrr, u harr.so dai sek
Jamesnasian: mwarhx~!
Jamesnasian: u can really make me smile de lar
Jamesnasian: hee
Jamesnasian: sayang sayang
Irene: you make me smile without reason..
Irene: dear, together we go n study..
Jamesnasian: kk =D
Jamesnasian: xoxo

*Blog is a place to keep my secret..You are the blog in my heart..

Live for my dream..

2010-03-07T00:37:00.004+08:00

Starting from this month, i will be fully concentrate on my studies.. No more distraction, no more love, no more fooling around.. Time to get back to the business.. This is the first time ever, i really want to do something good.. I saw the light of my future, and slowly i walk toward it.. I knoew i have to work very hard to get on.. Life is a game, live your life meaningfully.. Game will not be over as long as you know how to restart.. Click it, try it, and grasp on it..

James, i'm sorry as much as i love you.. You are my everything, but i couldn't let anything get in my way now.. I have to be rational.. Anyway, thanks god that i found you..

Dear all my friends, regarding to anything(especially LOVE) except education, i won't blah blah blah anymore.. If i off your phone straight away, dun blame it on me.. i've warned you..

Friendship

2010-02-10T23:19:00.004+08:00

It's still hurt me,
It's hurt me as long as i care about this friendship.
I never know a friendship could inflict so much pain on me.
Did i care too much?
Did i demand too much?

You are a friend that everyone wish for,
A good listener;
A person to lean on;
A person to laugh with;

I treat you as best friend,
i told you everything,
everything of my life,
my shame history
Non-single of lie..

But,
all you can remember is everything that have already happened.
You forget to ask "How are you now?
Not a call or even a sms.

You told me,
Different friends play different roles,
I told you,
There is just different types of friends.

The moment i said that,
I realize,
it's my fault,
I forget one thing,
Different perception between us,
For me, you are my best friend
For you, i'm your friend.
So basically,
it's like this >
You are my best friend, I'm your friend

That's make us different in treating each other.
Don't worry,
i will change my perception..
This time will be
You are my friend, I'm your friend
fair and square

Undiscover the truth..

2010-01-31T00:54:00.004+08:00

Sitting in front of the lappie, trying to figure out what should i do today.. Browsing around as usual.. Reading the news of an affair between football player.. Hmm, interesting.. Suddenly, a vibrate from my phone (For those who didn't know, my hp cacat ady..which is boo hoo TT) Well, never mind.. So it was a message.. Opened and read it.. Well it's nothing.. It's just a merely good morning and "kisses".. Arh.. Boring.. Will be another dull conversation.. Hmm.. Let's start something interesting, some thing that curious me for a long time..

" I have stg to ask u" " What is it?" "The time we be together, do you with some1 else" "No." "R u sure?" "Yes." "You will never know.." "what happened?" "Nothing happened except a liar try to lie" "Are you saying about me? I dont" "Who cares.. Don't ever get me started wit the msn" "What msn? What are you talking about?" "I love you x" "don't misunderstood, shes just my ex.. i don't love her.." "Arh..whatever.. All i want to know is yes or no" "Im sorry" "Alrite thats all"

Throwing the phone to the bed, damnation, why the feeling is so sulky.. Thought that everything going to be ok, thought that im not going to care.. But my goddamn tears are streaming down my cheek.. Lying on the bed, with the phone non-stop vibrating beside, i feel like want to throw it to the wall.. Thanks god, i still rational enough.. Ignore all the messages, the call and the face that i come to miss.. Cover myself with the blanket, screaming in the pillow.. Its the scream of anguish, its the scream of devastating.. Surprisingly enough, i still able to hear the sound of the broken heart.. Unfaithful.. Unfaithful.. Unfaithful.. And i dozed off minutes later..

Woke up, with 40 calls 16 messages.. 37 is from him and 3 is from my friend.. Feel so not in mood to talk.. Feel like a creepy zombie with a shallow eyes.. Call back my friend and ask her reason of calling me.. She said to me ur ex look like someone.. Goddamn it! Why cant i just get rid of him.. "LOok like who?" "XXX from XXX" Well, that time i was not interested he looks like who, i just want to off the phone and caged myself.. Luckily enough, my friend say she is busy now.. Sigh of relief..

7stg still browsing around in the internet.. want to talk with someone but couldn't find anymore.. I'm not boring.. it's just that my empty heart make the life become dull.. The impregnable will try to withstand my vulnerable heart.. Finally i come to a place where i'm defeated..

James..

2010-01-17T02:35:00.004+08:00

9am, hawker centre:

I: (touching his face) Dear, you look not so good.. you look tired..
J: Im just sleepy..
I: Hmm.. Im sorry for asking you to fetch me early in the morning..
J: No.. it's ok..
I: So what can i do to keep you up?
J: Morning kiss will do (grinning..)
I: (Kiss his lips) love you and good morning!
J: Hey, you never did that before.. (touching her forehead) something wrong with you? Say! What had you done last night?
I: Nothing.. Isn't that good i kiss you?
J: Its always feel good..(muackz) love you too!

12pm,his house

J: Do you want to eat anything?
I: You cook?
J: Ya..
I: But your food suck!
J: (knock her head) respect me please..
I: Anything will do..
J: Ok, love.. Muacks
I: So am i just watching you to cook?
J: Ya uh.. You are not allow to cook as long as im here..
I: Oh bunny you are so good (hug him)
J: Too late to realize that..

130pm, his bedroom

I: (lying on his bed) Bunny, have you ever think what your life will be without me?
J: ( Stretch his arm) come here..
I: (slowly turn to him)
J: I don't know..
I: I know.. I will be devastated..
J: Me too..
I: Hey, you are sleeping?!
J: No.. it's just when you are here, i can sleep well.. sweet dream
I: Don't make excuse! Wake up!!
J: Baby, let sleep together..
I: I'm not sleepy.. but ok since nothing to do..
J: Nothing to do? Well.. we could do something passionate(evil grin)..
I: (Yawning) im sleepy.. muacks.. good nite honey! love you..
J: Hahaha.. Love you too..

830pm, garden
I: (lying on his shoulder) Dear..
J: Ya?
I: Nothing.. I wish we could stay longer..
J: Can.. if you don't go back today..
I: (hold his hand tighter) huh...
J: Your hand is so cold.. Let me warm you up..
I: Dear hug me..
J: (hugging) why are you so sweet today? no.. it should be.. why are you so sweet recently? are you in love with me
I: Yes.. Im in love with you..
J: Hahaha.. i knew one day you will in love with me..
I: (Kiss him) i love you..
I: (long sighed) i guess thats it..
J: what?
I: We need to breakup.. I want to breakup..
J: ...
I: I'm sorry dear..
J: ...
I: Don't call me or text me.. live your own life.. take care yourself
J: Baby..(hug her)
I: (hug him back) I don't want to end this way.. I'm sorry.. i have to..
J: Now you can go.. Go before i ask you back.. You wouldn't want that happen..
I: sorry..

I lost a guy, who really love me..
I lost a guy, who appreciate me..
I lost a guy, who cherish me..

I sacrifice a guy that i start to love..
I sacrifice a guy that i start to appreciate..
And I never learn how to cherish him..

He is too good to be own,
I don't deserve the best..
I love you, james

Inchoate love 2

2010-01-12T19:03:00.005+08:00

In the cinema:

I: ....(Sob sob)
W: Hey, are you crying?
I: No.. I'm ok..
W: What happened?
I: Theodore is so pity..
W: Hahahahah.. Com'on, it's just a movie.. nothing for you to cry..
I: Yeah, you cold blooded animal!
W: I'm not cold blooded.. ok, fine.. come here..

At the mall:

I: What are we going to do next?
W: Are you hungry?
I: Nawww.. still full.. You? I can accompany you if you want..
W: I have no idea what to eat.. Why don't we just shopping first, will decide later..
I: Shopping? You pay?
W: Hahahahahhaha
I: What? What's with hahahahahah?
W: Who say im going to pay?
I: Alright then, where is my allowance for this month?
W: You didn't agree, so no allowance..
I: ...(speechless)

(Pointing at a boutique shop)
W: Go and see if there are any clothes that you like..
I: Hahahaha, i got no money..
W: Go.. i pay for it
I: i thought someone say hes not going to pay?
W: If that someone is not going to pay, then someone will not talk to someone tonight.. and that someone will be very sad u know..(acting a sad face)
I: Glad that someone know.. but now i'm not in the mood of buying clothes
W: Hey, what's wrong? angry? Don't angry please.. pleeeeeaaassseee
I: Hey, what's wrong with you, i help you to save money..
W: No, don't.. Here take this money and go and buy..
I: I already say i'm not in the mood..
W: (examine her expression)
I: Huh? Can we just go?
W: Baby..
I: I'm not angry..
W: (stand still) Baby..
I: What?
W: (Pointing his lips) here..
I: (closer to him) you wish..
W: Hey!
I( Pulling him away) anyway i love you..
W: Me too..

W:

Inchoate love..

2010-01-10T22:00:00.004+08:00

Lying in the bed,
with you by myside.
Playing with your fingers,
looking at your face.

Not knowing what you said,
it merely because im not concentrating.
Im not concentrating,
its because you are distracting me.

I wish we could just stop right there,
with you and me.
You are holding me tight,
and i'm scare that i will loosen the grip

The thought of losing you,
the gyrate of fear,
the asinine of love,
give me palpitation.

You said " i hope.."
I put my fingers on your mouth,
trying to prevent you from saying those word.
I knew it would hurt both of us so much.

You hug me even tighter,
i felt secure,
but i know i will lose u soon.
That's when,
The tears drop on your shoulders.

B.O.R.I.N.G

2009-10-17T00:09:00.003+08:00

Due to Deepavali, college grant us an extra holiday. Thought that it would be fun because i don't have to wake so early, but it turn out to be so boring! dead boring! Wake up at 9.30 this morning, trying to figure it out what to do today. Decided to do notes on Criminal court. Not now, but later. Opened the laptop, as usual, browsing around. My room was too quiet, need some music to wake me up from my drowsiness, blast the music. Dance with the music, crap, my dancing was so ugly, need to sign up for lesson soon. Forget it. Looking at the phone, wonder if there got any MC or message, no, no message n mc. Never mind.
11 something went to Market to buy food. It's a long distance from my house, have to walk, so i put on my ipod, blast the music again. Cloud is getting darker, hope that the rain won't fall, if not i would be so dead meat!
Start my revision at 2 something, wonder what took me so long? Ask facebook then! Done my note at 3 something, yawning, oh shit, i was sleepy. Never mind, sleep for a while, still got time. Wake at 6.15pm, my god, i sleep for 3 hours.
Feel like want to call somebody, searching the contact list, Alice hwa(my sis)- aih, nothing to chat. Melodii cheang- She is busy at this time, urm, no, is all the time. J.xiang- Aih, not fun gossip on the phone, go back juz find him. Phyllis- Maybe she is also busy now, don't want to disturb her. Kath- Aih, she got way too many thing to tell me, no, not a good choice. 012579xxxx- Should i? No, i shouldn't. "Be rational" Quote by Melodii. Mummy- I guess she is busy with her paperwork, will call her later. Steven Hwa( my bro)- Last night we just talked on the phone.
In the end, no one, put aside my phone, tap..tap..tap(finger tapping the table), what to do? Staring at the Law textbook, blank, open the textbook, still blank. I was in reverie mood, envisage all the possible and impossible thing, i smile, cool. Shaking my head, trying to get rid of the asinine thought, get back to reality, and i sighed.

This is me..

2009-10-14T19:49:00.004+08:00

I wouldn't say i have a bunch of friends in the college,
I wouldn't say i'm close to everyone in my class,
I wouldn't say the problem is lie on them.

Since coming to kl,
i try to withdraw myself from society,
I hate socialization,
as much as i hate boot licking so that i can gain more friends.

Hypocrite,
Pseudo,
Masquerade,
simply ain't my thing!

I wouldn't say i don't care when i realize i don't have much friends,
I care,
but on the other hand,
I'm not really care.

I say "NO" to all the activity,
I reject them everytime i can,
It's not because i hate to be with them,
It's just because i need some time to be alone.

I will talk to you if u want,
But,
If you don't give a damn about me,
then i won't care.

F**k Off!!

2009-10-10T12:03:00.004+08:00

Don't look at me like that,
I've done nothing wrong.
I'm not as shit as u guys,
so fuck off please!

You're not who you are,
You're not what people see of you,
You're just a pile of shit.

Yeah , i mean it.
Your look is not that attractive,
F***y!

I have nothing against you,
but what you did really pissed me off!

Don't look at me like that,
because you couldn't find anything from me.
And you wouldn't!

Don't tell me you are good,
don't show me you are good.
Because i couldn't see anything good from you.
except being mean to others.

Recycle?
Please recycle yourself,
or get lost from this world!!
SUCKER!!!!!!!

F.U.N

2009-10-03T21:40:00.005+08:00

My life has not been great since coming back from semester break. Lots of work are waiting for me to accomplish but i was too lazy to do it. I was still in the holiday mood! So, please stop giving me work! I will never do it! Unless.. Ya, everything will have exceptional.. Unless that time i feel so motivated. Otherwise you will never find me doing any homework or revision.

So today i have activities again. I went out with Darren and Sexy Jenn for movie. I have been waiting for the movie "Where got ghost" for about 1 month. N now Yeah, i managed to watch it! The thought of watching ghost movie gives me palpitations! I can't envisage how the movie is going to work in a scary way. I know it's not that scary as everyone claimed, but still a ghost movie what! As the tittle already say it all, "Where got GHOST" so don't tell me you don't expect there will never be a ghost in that movie.. As long as there is a ghost in the movie, then it will be very scary! But still, I have to say this movie is great! It's so fuuuuunnnnyyyyy! I can't help myself from laughing it out loud!

About 11.30 pm, we went out again to join Nxson, Marlon and joanne for drinks. When i'm saying drinks, it's not juice or coffee, but beers. Yea, we were having beer. At first, i was reluctant to drink because i'm not used to and this was my first time ever! But they kept on persuading, so never mind, i drink a little bit. When i finished the whole cup, i felt dizzy. That was the time, I hold jennifer and asked her " Why the Lcd screen looks so blur? The referee and the players have two faces?" Then Jennifer said " Irene, you are drunk." Darren looked at me " Why your face is so red?" Lol.. Darren mind yourself first. You are the 1 who drunk.

Darren was so crazy last night. He kept on screaming in front of people house. He kept on rambling on something which we don't really know. His word " I ain't stupid; I'm not drunk, I'm high" Usually people who are drunk will never admit they are. I have no idea whether Nxson was drunk or not. Because his face was so red but still very calm and rational. While Marlon is the coolest 1, he drinks a lot yet still managed to drive us home. I was the lousiest, one cup already can deal with me.

I always against drinking beer. But i know the only way to get rid of you is by resort to it.

Beer is the only way to release me from you

This is it..

2009-09-19T09:42:00.000+08:00

Dear my ex:

It's been a year and half since you decided to walk away from this relationship. I would be lying if i say i didn't blame you and i didn't hate you. When you decided to called off, it freaked me out. Everything was so sudden and unexpected. I was mad at you for starting all this up. I was mad at you for flirting my friend. I know what i did that time was uncool. Honestly, i don't know what am i doing. I've been living in a shadow of past. My past has totally took control on me and take its toll on both of us. Maybe even affect people that surrounds us. I'm sorry. I'm immature when handling breakup.

This is a pragmatic world, i shouldn't have expect you to love me forever. It's a stupid thinking. I know many people have started to accept this kind of relationship, but honestly, are we ready to accept it and go for it? Our mistake has made us face the consequence, and after all we deserve it. Our melancholy shouldn't been sympathized from anyone. What is done cannot be undone. Just accept what had been happened in the past and take it as a lesson.

I knew i never regret for being with you though we parted away eventually. Can't deny, i always telling myself "You are the best mistake i ever done", but deep inside i never meant it. It just out of the rage. I've been wondering why i was so entitled to myself for refusing to let you go. Is this because of love? I don't know..Or.. This because of pride? I guess so. Pride has holding me back from moving on.

These few days, i was out to find back our memories. I've lost it because of the grudge I'm holding. Everytime i pass through the place that we had been before, it makes me smile. I did not feel sad nor disappointed. I've accepted all with an open heart. From now onward, i will smile when look back our past. I'm happy that we used to be together and we used to love each other so much.

You do not have to apologize to me. Both of us didn't do anything wrong. Love is freedom and there is no string attached between us. You are free to do what you want. Its already your privacy, I couldn't care less and should have leave you alone. I shouldn't interfere your life so much. So, from now on, i will give back your freedom.

Never doubt my feeling to you, it wont change anyway. I love you as always. Even after a decade or century, there will always be a place in my heart that you will be fondly,fondly remembered. God has surprised me by hand you over to me, though that time you were injured. I know He want me to cure you, He want me to show you there is still a person who love you,as long as you live, you will never walk alone. I'm thankful He let you appeared in my life. I don't know how much i changed your life but i know how much you have changed my life. But,still I'm saddened that my love wasn't able to do more to heal your wounded heart. To make it up, I'm leaving you a Smile. I'm leaving you my smile. Keep that smile, take it out when you are sad.

Never afraid to admit, I always hope destiny would bring us back together.That hope was a comfort and gave me the patience to wait for the future. As time has passed, it is pretty clear that you have drifted further and further away from me. So, i guess its time for me to acknowledge, to you and myself, that our future will take different path. It appears our relationship has dwindled to a one way conversation via mail. Although you may read them, but i don't think they really reach you

I don't know whether now you are seeing someone else. But don't worry, i won't be third party anymore. You have my blessing. I wish you can find someone that love you, someone that can handle your sassy attitude and wacky thinking. When you are sick, pls, pls, pls consult a doctor. e. As much as that saddens me, i think its really time for me to say goodbye. Its really nice to meet you and in love with you, bye.

Please give me a call when life allows you to enjoy a warm hug, a good meal and a heart to heart talk.I will look forward that day..if it ever comes

Heartbroken?

2009-09-17T20:55:00.009+08:00

Few minutes ago, i was sitting somewhere else and have a look at my friend's blog. At first, i thought he would write about his daily routine or something excitement. Out of my expectation, he wrote something which bring me to surprise.

Even he is my classmate, but i never thought he would face something like that. I never thought he was suffering right now. Well, u might say sure, this is not your problem what. But, the point is not there. The point is he is facing what i'm facing now. We encountered the same problem but the solution to it is totally different. He get the chance but i don't.

I'm not sorrowing, not grieving, not even regretting. I'm just lost. I lost when u left without taking a glance at me. I'm happy but am i? I wouldn't say how much you mean to me, because even if i do, nothing can do to make it right. I wouldn't say how much i love you, all i can say, since i went to kl, i never stop missing you.

No matter how hard i tried to convince them that you're just my friend, i would never be able to convince myself to the fact. i tried hard to get rid of you, i tried hard to get you out of my mind, but nothing seems right. I starting to hate when the darkness come, that's when i started to miss you, curl up in the blanket, tears started to flow slowly,memories started to taking it's role by playing all the scene in my mind and the sounds of breaking is echoing in my ears. By that time, i know i'm in pieces again.

This is when the Lady Gaga song playing in my mind " Can't read my, can't read my No, he can't read my poker face......Po..Po..Po..Poker face..Po..Po..Poker face" Followed by Avril lavigne's When you're gone " I never felt this way before.Everything that I do reminds me of you" Then it comes to Secondhand serenade's Fall for you "This is not what I intended.I always swore to you i'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger.I may have failed but I have loved you from the start." Suddenly "Somebody call 911 Shawty fire burning on the dance floor.Whoa..I gotta cool her down" Oh crap! That's when my brother playing that song outside of my room. Totally drag me out of hell. Dang!

Literally..

2009-09-12T00:31:00.001+08:00

At first, everything was just so fine,
Life goes on, past remain as history,
Nothing worries me that much,
Nothing seems to bother me.

But,
now it changed,
It's because of one damn video,
Life turn out to be what it used to be.

I'm suck,
I'm in horror,
I'm worried,
I'm confused!

It shouldn't go this way when there is another way round,
It shouldn't be like this when i still in control of it,
It shouldn't happen when i never fall in.

No!
it's not coincidence,
not fate,
Not even karma!

It's just deja vu!
I'm delusional!

What i saw was never happened,
What i felt was never right,
What i touch was never there.

If my five senses have since become numb,
why do i still feel it?

Is it because i still live in the past?
Or i find something familiar in that video?

Screw that video!
But i still wish both of you live happiness ever after..

If life was a game,
I'm sorry for not playing the rules,
I'm sorry for breaching it,
If there is any sentence,
I would plead you to game over me.

Irene hwa, stop grieving!
It's just a video, you doofer!

Idols of my life (part two)

2009-09-06T12:41:00.000+08:00

Here is my another idols, Melodii Cheang!! Recently, she been honours to accept Best journalism and Best student in Mass comm. No doubt, for somebody like her is fully deserve for this awards. Melodii cheang, 20 years old (or maybe more than that), Malaysian. She obtained 10 As in her spm, correct me if i'm wrong. Instead of choosing medical field, she decided to choose Mass comm which she claimed that is her interest. She is a good person, has a good attitude and never fail by your side when you need her but must make sure your timing is in the right time because she is busying all the time. You don't really know what is she doing. She can open her msn and put available but in fact she is BUSY! She has been dubbed as the most "SUI' person in the world. Because she will never call or text you unless you make the first move. Still, don't expect her to reply you even after you make the first move, because, again, she is BUSY! But the most enjoyable part is talking to her. You will never feel bored talking to her. She will say out many thing that you might not be expected. Try not to argue with her. Inevitable, you will lose out easily. Because like i say you will never expect what she is going to say next. I wonder if she serious before, because everytime i saw her, she is laughing all the time like there is no one else. In a word, she is worth to be friend with. I will cherish this friendship until the end of my life. You will be my friend, my idol forever. Wish you the best in your life. You got my support all the time. The GREATEST person in the PLANET- Melodii Cheang Chien Sing

Idols of my life..(part 1)(

2009-09-06T11:34:00.002+08:00

You might ask who is this pretty girl? I will answer, she is the smartest girl i've ever met in my life. You might ask why? I will say listen to me. Yvonne Tew, 24 years old, Malaysian. Currently doing PHD of Law in Cambridge. Ya, she is just 24 years old and now doing PHD, some how still in CAMBRIDGE! She obtained straight As in her A levels and managed to get top student in the world for Economic. Then, she got the scholar from um.. Can't remember it. Anyway she was sponsored to do her degree in Cambridge. After finished her degree, she decided to do her Master in Harvard, US which was also under scholarship. After a long end, she decided to take a gap year and came back to Malaysia. Her prior experiences are summer internships at the London offices of Linklaters, Slaughter and May, and Shearman & Sterling; mini-pupilages at Fountain Court Chambers, Brick Court Chambers, and Queen Elizabeth Building (all in London); summer intern at the Attorney-General's Chambers of Malaysia (Putrajaya, Malaysia). Sounds amazing right? Squeeze your brain and try to think. She done all those internship at the age of 20-23. Who else can be like her? Last few weeks, she came to our college and gave us a talk. We were so anticipated to meet her in person, yup, i mean face to face. The moment she appeared in the front door, everybody was gasping for air, hardly to breath and the heart is racing like hell. She smiled upon seeing us. Then, the talk get started in any moments. She talked about her life all the ways from A levels to Harvard. She talked about how difference life in Cambridge and Harvard. Here is the few conversation between us.

A: Why did you choose Cambridge instead of Oxford.

Yvonne: Hmm.. Why? Because I like the building of Cambridge(followed by laughter)! Actually it is because Cambridge is ranked higher than Oxford. So it's pretty obvious that will be my choice.

B: How much you have spent in Cambridge and Harvard? (Huh..what a question?)

Yvonne: Um.. Because all is under scholarship, so i can't tell you the exact amount. ( Actually Yvonne Tew is pretty rich, she drove Vios back in 2004.)

C: How many hours do you spent on studies?

Yvonne: 2 hours most probably.

D: Do you ever think of becoming a lawyer since you are young?

Yvonne: No, actually i'm thinking of becoming a bikini girl that showing off their body at the beach. When i told my youngest sis about it, she was like"Yvonne, are you sure? They are pretty" So.. You know..

E: Are you in a relationship now?

Yvonne: Ms Ong ( She pointed at our class teacher") i thought you are the one who asked me before.

Ms Ong: Ya, i asked you before and you say it is complicated.

Yvonne: Yes, it is complicated.

Ok photo and autograph session..

Yvonne: So do you guys want to find somewhere else for us to talk? I mean like cafeteria or asia cafe?

Us: We have already taken our lunch. Can we see your photo when you were in London and US?

Yvonne: Sure..( then she explained all the photo to us)